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“COVER: This month’s cover is entitled ‘The Lady of the Bathwater’ and was photographed by Steve Meyers. By now the astute reader is probably wondering, ‘If this, as it would certainly appear to be, is intended as an off-the-wall parody of Sir Walter Scott’s Lady of the Lake, then why the fuck is a man’s hand holding the sword?’ The explanation is simple. Michael O’Donoghue, who came up with the idea, turned the entire project over to Art Director Michael Gross. O’Donoghue didn’t bother to go over every detail with Gross because he figured any schoolboy has read King Arthur, not realizing that Gross, who’s still trying to finsh a Blackhawk comic he bagan some months ago, thinks that King Arthur is a seaport in Texas. When he saw the cover, O’Donoghue, always considerate of other’s feelings, slow to condemn and quick to forgive, just didn’t have the heart to tell Gross that his is a stupid, illiterate, cloddish, defective, imbecilic, retarded, dense, moronic, subnormal, feeble-minded dolt who’s about as bright as a night-light and as sharp as a napkin. Your brain belongs in Forest Lawn, you beef-witted dumbhead!!!

 “Just kidding, Mike.

 “Eat me.”

Contents (listing only)

Editorial, By Michael O’Donoghue; Illustrations and photographs uncredited

Letters, Uncredited; Illustration by Marvin Mattleson

True Facts, Uncredited; Illustration by Marvin Mattleson

Mrs. Agnew’s Diary, Uncredited [Doug Kenney]; Illustration by Marvin Mattleson

News on the March, Uncredited [Henry Beard]; Illustration by Marvin Mattleson, Photographs uncredited

FETISH SUPPLEMENT, Illustration by Brad Holland

How to Talk Dirty in Esperanto, By Kichard Bonker and Henry Beard; Illustrated by Bruce Cochran

Hard-Corpse Pornography, By Terry Southern

O Comes to America, By Anne Beatts; Illustration by Jeff Jones

Rural Free Love, By Brian McConnachie; Illustration by Tom Balchunas

Fredrick’s of Toyland, By Michael O’Donoghue and Mary Jenifer Mitchell; Illustrated by Neke Carson

Chickmeat, Fish & Poultry, By Anne Beatts and Michael O’Donoghue; Illustrations by Michael Doret and Charles White III

The Remnants of Dignity, By Ed Bluestone; Illustrated by Frank Springer

DEFEAT DAY SECTION, By Henry Beard, Tony Hendra, and Sean Kelly

Daily Examiner, Photographs by Judy Hendra and uncredited; Illustration uncredited

U.S. Army Decorations and Badges for the War in Vietnam (1962-1972), Illustrated by [?] Mayo and Warren Sattler

Vestiges, Illustrated by Daniel Maffia

Foto Funnies, Uncredited [features Brian McConnachie and a Nixon look-alike]

Vintage Auto Demo Derby, By Michael O’Donoghue; Illustrated by Frank Springer and Alan Rose

Sgt. Shriver’s Bleeding Hearts Club Band, By Sean Kelly; Illustration by Lee Starsland

Surprise Poster #2, By Michael O’Donoghue; Illustration by Dick Hess

The Iliad and the Ecstasy, By P. J. O’Rourke; Photographs uncredited

Funny Pages, Featuring “Nuts” by Gahan Wilson; “Chicken Gutz” by Randall Enos; “Trots and Bonnie” by Shary Flenniken; “Idyl” by Jeff Jones; “Dirty Duck” by Bobby London; “Polaroid Pornographic Comics!” by Ed Subitzky; an untitled strip by Randall Enos; and “The Aesop Brothers, Siamese Twins” by Rodrigues